How to Write an Elegy for Someone You Love
A guide from Cherished Book, where families make a memorial together.
An elegy is a poem of mourning. People have written them for thousands of years, and you do not need to be a poet to write one. This guide explains what an elegy is, a simple shape to follow, a short example, and how to read it at a funeral.
What an elegy is
An elegy is a poem written for someone who has died. The word comes from the Greek for a song of lament. Some of the best-known poems in English are elegies: Tennyson wrote In Memoriam over seventeen years after his friend died, and W. H. Auden's "Funeral Blues" is read at funerals to this day.
An elegy is different from a eulogy, which is a speech, and from a tribute, which can be anything at all. An elegy is a poem, and that gives you permission to say things in a way prose does not allow: through an image, a repeated line, or a single moment held still.
A simple shape: lament, praise, comfort
Traditional elegies often move through three parts. You do not have to follow them, but they are a useful map.
- Lament. Say the loss plainly. What is missing now? Where do you notice it?
- Praise. Remember them as they were. One specific image is worth more than a list of virtues.
- Comfort. End with something kept: what they gave you, what remains, what you will carry on.
Writing it
If you have not written a poem since school, these help.
- Start with a picture, not a feeling: their coat on the hook, the chair by the window.
- Speak to them directly. "You" brings them close.
- Repeat one line. A refrain gives the poem a heartbeat, and helps when you read it aloud.
- Use their words, their places, their habits. Specific beats beautiful.
- Short lines are fine. So is silence. Leave white space on the page.
- Read it aloud as you go, and cut anything you would not say.
A short elegy example
Written for this guide, to show the shape. Make yours your own.
“Your boots are still by the back door, laced the way you left them. / The kettle does not know you have gone. / I keep a cup back for you, out of habit, out of hope. / You taught me the names of birds, and now each one is yours: / the robin on the fence, the blackbird at dusk. / Your boots are still by the back door. / I will walk in them a while.”
Reading an elegy at a funeral
Tell whoever is leading the service that you would like to read a poem, and how long it is. Print it in large type. Read slowly, slower than feels natural, and pause at the end of each line. If your voice breaks, stop and breathe. Everyone listening is on your side. If you would rather not read it yourself, ask someone you trust to read it for you, or print it in the order of service. For poems others have written, see our funeral poems and readings.
If a blank page is too much
Answer a few questions about them, and Cherished Book drafts their life story in a reflective, poetic voice, ready for you to change. It becomes a memorial where you can add your elegy as a tribute, and where family and friends can add their own memories.
Help with the words
Answer a few questions and we'll draft a first version you can change. Then family and friends can add their own memories to it. Free to start.
Help me write itFrequently asked questions
What is the difference between an elegy and a eulogy?
An elegy is a poem of mourning. A eulogy is a speech, usually in prose, given at a funeral or memorial service. You can read an elegy at a funeral, alongside a eulogy or instead of one.
Does an elegy have to rhyme?
No. Many of the best-loved modern elegies are in free verse. Write in whatever form lets you say it plainly. Rhyme can help if it comes easily, and get in the way if it does not.
How long should an elegy be?
There is no rule. For reading aloud at a funeral, ten to twenty lines, or about a minute, is a comfortable length. On a memorial or in a card, a few lines can be enough.
Can I read someone else's poem instead?
Of course. Many families choose a well-known poem or reading. If you do, it is kind to name the poet in the order of service.
Last reviewed October 2026.
A memorial everyone who loved them can add to.
Start a memorial in a reflective, poetic voice. We’ll draft their life story from a few questions, and you can add your elegy to it as a tribute. Free to start.
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