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Sympathy Gift Etiquette

When someone is grieving, the urge to do something practical is strong. What is welcome, and what would feel inappropriate, varies significantly between traditions.

Flowers, food, and donations are the three most common forms of sympathy gift. But "welcome flowers" in a Christian household might be "please donate instead" in a Muslim one. Halal and Kosher considerations matter for food gifts to certain families. Some traditions expect cash gifts in specific envelope colours; others find money awkward.

These guides cover what is appropriate for each tradition: whether to send flowers (and which kind), whether to give money or charitable donations, whether to bring food (and dietary considerations), and when to deliver gifts: same day, after the funeral, or during the formal mourning period.

The intent matters more than the format. If you are close to the family and unsure, asking what would help, or what they would prefer, is always welcome.

Guides by faith and tradition

Each tradition approaches grief differently. These gentle guides help you find the right words.

Christianity

Flowers, sympathy cards, food, or charitable donations — all welcome.

Islam

Food, charitable donations (Sadaqah), and a Dua. Avoid sending flowers; many families prefer simplicity.

Hinduism

White flowers, charitable donations, or contributions toward food for the family during the mourning period.

Buddhism

Flowers, incense, charitable donations to a Buddhist centre, or dana (giving) in the deceased's name.

Sikhism

Donations to the Gurdwara or a charity the family supported; food contributions for the langar (communal meal).

Judaism

Food for the shiva house (kosher if the family observes), charitable donations in the deceased's memory. Avoid flowers — they are not customary at Jewish funerals.

Chinese Traditional

White flowers, white envelopes with bai jin (white gold) cash, fruit, or food offerings.

Taoism

White flowers, joss paper, incense, or cash offerings in white envelopes.

Confucianism

Cash gifts in white envelopes, fruit, or food; flowers are also acceptable.

Shinto

Kōden (condolence money) in a black-and-white envelope is traditional; flowers are also welcome.

Jainism

Donations to charitable causes, especially those serving animals or supporting vegetarian food.

Bahá'í Faith

Flowers, charitable donations, or contributions to the Bahá'í Funds in the deceased's name.

Jehovah's Witnesses

Cards, flowers, food, and practical support are all welcome.

Spiritism

Flowers, charitable donations, or a personal note are welcome.

Zoroastrianism

Cash gifts in respectful envelopes, food for the mourning ceremonies, or donations to Zoroastrian institutions.

Ravidassia

Donations to the Bhawan (Ravidassia gurdwara) or a charity, or food for the langar.

Tenrikyo

Condolence money in a traditional envelope, and offerings to the family or church.

Wicca

Plants, candles, charitable donations, or items for the family's altar.

Neopaganism

Varies by tradition — natural items, candles, or donations are often welcome.

Rastafarianism

Food, donations, or contributions to community causes; modesty is appreciated.

Scientology

Cards, flowers, and practical support are all welcome.

Non-Religious / Secular

Flowers, cards, donations to a charity the deceased loved, or practical help with food or errands.

Explore related guides

Sympathy Messages by Faith What to Expect at a Funeral (by faith) What to Wear to a Funeral (by faith)

Last reviewed June 2026.

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